YOU SHOT ME DEAD.
FUCKING DEAD.
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THE END.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Fourteen.
Hello! 2nd day of CNY and I'm caught up with work. Okay damn it! It's for the whole week. Even jie says she couldn't tolerate working there, I had beared it for like 3 months? Thank God I have such a good patience. Lturnsoon blatantly enjoyed himself by having a movie marathon. :)
Well, he told me something which really struck me hard in the head. Why bother about what others say? And he taught me, trust myself and not others. I totally agree with what he's saying because even family members lie sometimes. And most importantly, I do not need to let unimportant people affect me by their perspective. I do not need to bother about how they're judging me. And no matter what, as long as I don't give up on myself, everything will be fine because the whole world can't wait to see me fall. When I fall, their motives are reached. With God, I will never allow that to happen to me.
Caught "Friends With Benefits". Hilarious movie, sweet and touching. :') Sacrificed my beauty sleep just to give Lturnsoon a morning call. :) Goodbye!
Well, he told me something which really struck me hard in the head. Why bother about what others say? And he taught me, trust myself and not others. I totally agree with what he's saying because even family members lie sometimes. And most importantly, I do not need to let unimportant people affect me by their perspective. I do not need to bother about how they're judging me. And no matter what, as long as I don't give up on myself, everything will be fine because the whole world can't wait to see me fall. When I fall, their motives are reached. With God, I will never allow that to happen to me.
Caught "Friends With Benefits". Hilarious movie, sweet and touching. :') Sacrificed my beauty sleep just to give Lturnsoon a morning call. :) Goodbye!
I wanna go for my happiness, are you my happiness?
Monday, January 23, 2012
Thirteen.
Happy CNY! First day of CNY and I woke up late, went for meetup with relatives and hell load of them were congratulating me for my results. Well, kinda elated but it doesn't matter anyway. Life still goes on. :) Gotten quite a number of red packets. Delivered pastamania for mummy when she was working, and this goes to show how much my filial piety is. :P
Went to bayfront with Lturnsoon and we saw the water show. The crowd was standing there awaiting for the show to begin and we were wondering why they would do that. We resembled typical Singaporeans and we followed their footsteps. Surprisingly, the water show began and we were ultra happy and shocked.
Walked to the night market and went to Marina Square for dinner. Steamboat ftw! :) 2 people having steamboat is like what the hell, but we definitely enjoyed.
Jack And Jill was awesome. We caught a movie before we end our night. It was crazy and fun. Lastly, I enjoyed myself very much. :)
Skype with Lturnsoon and he said, "Remember next year, I'll do something to make you happy. Remember that." And yes my dear, I will just remember what you said last night. I am satisfied and happy with everything I have now, and that's what matters most. There's still a long way for us to go, and I wanna walk with you. Remember that too. :)
如果你突然打了个喷嚏, 那一定就是我在想你.
如果半夜被手机吵醒, 啊那是因为我关心.
Went to bayfront with Lturnsoon and we saw the water show. The crowd was standing there awaiting for the show to begin and we were wondering why they would do that. We resembled typical Singaporeans and we followed their footsteps. Surprisingly, the water show began and we were ultra happy and shocked.
Walked to the night market and went to Marina Square for dinner. Steamboat ftw! :) 2 people having steamboat is like what the hell, but we definitely enjoyed.
Jack And Jill was awesome. We caught a movie before we end our night. It was crazy and fun. Lastly, I enjoyed myself very much. :)
Skype with Lturnsoon and he said, "Remember next year, I'll do something to make you happy. Remember that." And yes my dear, I will just remember what you said last night. I am satisfied and happy with everything I have now, and that's what matters most. There's still a long way for us to go, and I wanna walk with you. Remember that too. :)
如果你突然打了个喷嚏, 那一定就是我在想你.
如果半夜被手机吵醒, 啊那是因为我关心.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Twelve.
Hello! CNY's coming and it's tomorrow. Yay, #likeafinally. I've been waiting for this day to come. My nail's still as ugly as ever, didn't do manicure this year. :( Looking forward to receive many red packets and date with Lturnsoon. ^^
I've learned something out of the whole incident, the best revenge is to be even happier than with him and show him that everything's getting better after he left. :) Yup, life's improved and family r/s is better, but my emotions are still unstable. Haha! But I hope all the bad things will end soon. I wanna be happy soon. People always say, "Don't give up when you still have something to give because nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying." I totally agree and disagree with this statement. Well, I tried and gave up not because I'm weak, but because we both know that we don't belong with each other. You're happy and I'm satisfied with my own life. That's what it takes right? Yup, be happy man, because I will be happy too. :) Although life really sucks when you know that everything you believe in, is complete and utter bullshit. #fml
Once I start to plan my future with you, I don't ever wanna stop.
I've learned something out of the whole incident, the best revenge is to be even happier than with him and show him that everything's getting better after he left. :) Yup, life's improved and family r/s is better, but my emotions are still unstable. Haha! But I hope all the bad things will end soon. I wanna be happy soon. People always say, "Don't give up when you still have something to give because nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying." I totally agree and disagree with this statement. Well, I tried and gave up not because I'm weak, but because we both know that we don't belong with each other. You're happy and I'm satisfied with my own life. That's what it takes right? Yup, be happy man, because I will be happy too. :) Although life really sucks when you know that everything you believe in, is complete and utter bullshit. #fml
Once I start to plan my future with you, I don't ever wanna stop.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Eleven.
I've seen a rich man beg, I’ve seen a good man sin, I’ve seen a tough man cry. I’ve seen a loser win, and a sad man grin. I heard an honest man lie. I’ve seen the good side of bad, and the down side of up, and everything between.
These few days was a total disaster for me. Emotions struck upon me like a lightning, I practically showed my feelings out. I blatantly led you to my feelings. Have I forgotten what I told myself before? I must not show how I am feeling to others, because it meant that I am leading them to my weak point. It meant that they'll get a chance to hurt me. It meant that there's a risk and chance of me being deeply hurt again. This fear.. This phobia... I wonder how long will I take to recover...
I had serious problems of letting people into my life. I'm afraid of this and that, but have I ever thought of how they're feeling? Have I thought that they might not be as bad as th past? Due to this problem in me, I pushed everyone away. I kicked them out of my life, my mind, my heart, in fear that they might leave me again. I rather they leave earlier than leave all of a sudden when I'm allowing my heart to trust them.
This phobia... Dad left initially, then siblings, then friends, then lovers, who's next? Th pain of losing someone you love and trust, it sucks, seriously sucks. It's like... A part of me dies harder each time someone left me. The pain that I felt was indescribable, the feeling was cannot be explained, that inscrutable feeling whereby you know the whole world's gonna leave you alone. With this, I told myself in order not to get hurt again, I have to stop allowing people into my life. To others, those bad experience might be something small, might be a piece of cake for them to overcome, but I'm different. I'm a very sentimental person and I take into account every single detail in life, I take every friendship and r/s seriously, and I feel the pain after each loss. Sometimes I'm just tired of facing everything alone, I felt like breaking down time and time again, but I pulled through. 16 years in my life, I've gotta be strong for my family. Sigh. Nobody ever gets to understand how I'm feeling, and I don't blame them because neither do I want them to understand. It's a painful procedure, it's a tough journey, but whatever it is, I'm destined to be walking this path. I hope with all these experiences, I'll be a better person in life... I hope.
Was selected for interview for MCM @ NP through JPSAE, rather elated and found it miraculously hard to believe that I passed. Went for the interview this morning and I hope I'll be able to make it through the last stage before going into the course. Well, I just hope for the best. :) CNY's coming, and I've gotta be a good girl and do some spring cleaning for my bedroom. ^^ Goodbye!
These few days was a total disaster for me. Emotions struck upon me like a lightning, I practically showed my feelings out. I blatantly led you to my feelings. Have I forgotten what I told myself before? I must not show how I am feeling to others, because it meant that I am leading them to my weak point. It meant that they'll get a chance to hurt me. It meant that there's a risk and chance of me being deeply hurt again. This fear.. This phobia... I wonder how long will I take to recover...
I had serious problems of letting people into my life. I'm afraid of this and that, but have I ever thought of how they're feeling? Have I thought that they might not be as bad as th past? Due to this problem in me, I pushed everyone away. I kicked them out of my life, my mind, my heart, in fear that they might leave me again. I rather they leave earlier than leave all of a sudden when I'm allowing my heart to trust them.
This phobia... Dad left initially, then siblings, then friends, then lovers, who's next? Th pain of losing someone you love and trust, it sucks, seriously sucks. It's like... A part of me dies harder each time someone left me. The pain that I felt was indescribable, the feeling was cannot be explained, that inscrutable feeling whereby you know the whole world's gonna leave you alone. With this, I told myself in order not to get hurt again, I have to stop allowing people into my life. To others, those bad experience might be something small, might be a piece of cake for them to overcome, but I'm different. I'm a very sentimental person and I take into account every single detail in life, I take every friendship and r/s seriously, and I feel the pain after each loss. Sometimes I'm just tired of facing everything alone, I felt like breaking down time and time again, but I pulled through. 16 years in my life, I've gotta be strong for my family. Sigh. Nobody ever gets to understand how I'm feeling, and I don't blame them because neither do I want them to understand. It's a painful procedure, it's a tough journey, but whatever it is, I'm destined to be walking this path. I hope with all these experiences, I'll be a better person in life... I hope.
Was selected for interview for MCM @ NP through JPSAE, rather elated and found it miraculously hard to believe that I passed. Went for the interview this morning and I hope I'll be able to make it through the last stage before going into the course. Well, I just hope for the best. :) CNY's coming, and I've gotta be a good girl and do some spring cleaning for my bedroom. ^^ Goodbye!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Ten.
Hello! Had been busy working and sleeping for the past few days. Not enough sleep already. :( Gotta replenish my energy before I can complete any important task. Haha. Life still sucks a lot for me, but who cares? Anyway, I've enjoyed and spent a splendid time with Lturnsoon, as always. That dumb one never fail to make me laugh, never. :)
Due to my selfishness, my self-centered attitude, I tend to make a big fuss out of everything. Like... I'm always thinking too much, I always feel that I'm never good enough, and slowly, when things start to get out of hand, we quarreled. I detest that feeling, that feeling whereby I'm so helpless and felt like dying immediately. This feeling hadn't occurred for 6 months, and now it's back again. This time round, it's for a different reason. This natural feeling makes me feel so sick and so irritated. I don't want to quarrel, I don't want to feel sad, I just wanna be happy with you. I wanna go tour around and do whatever you want and planned to do. As long as you're elated, I'll feel the same way too. I wanna watch concert and take away your virgin experience for it. I wanna do a lot of things with you... Because when I'm with you, I am happy. I wanna be happy, and you always made me feel that way. I'm sorry for all the nonsense, thanks for tolerating me for so long. :) Xoxo.
Due to my selfishness, my self-centered attitude, I tend to make a big fuss out of everything. Like... I'm always thinking too much, I always feel that I'm never good enough, and slowly, when things start to get out of hand, we quarreled. I detest that feeling, that feeling whereby I'm so helpless and felt like dying immediately. This feeling hadn't occurred for 6 months, and now it's back again. This time round, it's for a different reason. This natural feeling makes me feel so sick and so irritated. I don't want to quarrel, I don't want to feel sad, I just wanna be happy with you. I wanna go tour around and do whatever you want and planned to do. As long as you're elated, I'll feel the same way too. I wanna watch concert and take away your virgin experience for it. I wanna do a lot of things with you... Because when I'm with you, I am happy. I wanna be happy, and you always made me feel that way. I'm sorry for all the nonsense, thanks for tolerating me for so long. :) Xoxo.
And I felt butterflies in my tummy when you asked me to be your girlf.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Nine.
Hello! Went to Ngeeann Poly with 'mates and learned more about JPSAE stuff. Just handed in my JPSAE and JAE, hope it all turns out well. Town with Zocia, Shandy and Huiyee and gotten myself a shirt from Forever 21. Shopping spree with Lturnsoon @ Tampines before heading to Changi Village for class chalet. :) Enjoyed myself a lot with classmates, played till we were all so high with red wine, vodka and heineken. Lol!
Gotten myself in a messy state, just like a drunkard. Vomited but my mind was clear of my own actions. I left pretty early and landed myself in a pretty miserable state before heading to work this afternoon. Too bad!
I'm in an emotional state currently which really irks me to the core because I detest myself for being like that. Well... I just have to blame myself. #fml
Firstly, I didn't know you would wait for my SMS until 2 plus... Secondly, I was exhausted and worn out by the vomiting over and over again. I don't even have the strength to give you a text, that's why I just SMS a "I vomited." I mean, it's even better than me lying to you saying "I'm fine and happy, playing and enjoying with my class" right? Isn't being frank better than lying? At least I didn't betray the mutual trust between us, I was honest. I was really fucking miserable when I got home because of the vomiting occurring over and over again, thus I didn't SMS you. I just slept when I reached home. I assured you that nothing happened to me because I don't want you to worry, and I was guilty for making you worried. Yes, I apologized. But for fucking hell's sake, I didn't apologize just for the sake of apologizing. I apologized for my actions, I am sorry for my wrongdoings and you just fucking think that I am apologizing because I have to. And hell, this is FUCKING DISAPPOINTING. FUCK. FUCK LIFE. And tyvm for letting me know how I stand in your eyes, I am actually such a person. Haha. I am disgusting, and thank you for thinking that way too. You know why whenever I meet the others, I'll tell you? Because I know you understand that to me, they are my friends, my best friends, and we're just catching up with each other's life. It's not like as if I meet them everyday, that's too exaggerating. Okay whatever, I just know that I'm fucking hurt by your words. Blame it on my stupidity for being such a pushover. You know how many vulgarities I wanna say now? It's beyond control.
Gotten myself in a messy state, just like a drunkard. Vomited but my mind was clear of my own actions. I left pretty early and landed myself in a pretty miserable state before heading to work this afternoon. Too bad!
I'm in an emotional state currently which really irks me to the core because I detest myself for being like that. Well... I just have to blame myself. #fml
Firstly, I didn't know you would wait for my SMS until 2 plus... Secondly, I was exhausted and worn out by the vomiting over and over again. I don't even have the strength to give you a text, that's why I just SMS a "I vomited." I mean, it's even better than me lying to you saying "I'm fine and happy, playing and enjoying with my class" right? Isn't being frank better than lying? At least I didn't betray the mutual trust between us, I was honest. I was really fucking miserable when I got home because of the vomiting occurring over and over again, thus I didn't SMS you. I just slept when I reached home. I assured you that nothing happened to me because I don't want you to worry, and I was guilty for making you worried. Yes, I apologized. But for fucking hell's sake, I didn't apologize just for the sake of apologizing. I apologized for my actions, I am sorry for my wrongdoings and you just fucking think that I am apologizing because I have to. And hell, this is FUCKING DISAPPOINTING. FUCK. FUCK LIFE. And tyvm for letting me know how I stand in your eyes, I am actually such a person. Haha. I am disgusting, and thank you for thinking that way too. You know why whenever I meet the others, I'll tell you? Because I know you understand that to me, they are my friends, my best friends, and we're just catching up with each other's life. It's not like as if I meet them everyday, that's too exaggerating. Okay whatever, I just know that I'm fucking hurt by your words. Blame it on my stupidity for being such a pushover. You know how many vulgarities I wanna say now? It's beyond control.
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